There is a parallel dimension – several of them, actually, including VS13 -- where Special Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully continue to investigate the uncanny and the paranormal without the primal lifeforce known as Chris Carter. In this fanfic dimension, no television networks exist as a barrier to their investigations or – as we so often see, their romantic or sexual appetites.

In fairness, the Mighty Carter breached the network barrier at least once: In Unusual Suspects, our Gunmen faced off against Detective John Munch, a member in good standing with the Baltimore P.D. At the time, Munch was in the employ of NBC, as part of the ensemble cast of the series Homicide: Life on the Streets. Munch, played by Richard Belzer, also is TV’s King of the Crossover, having crossed swords with the original Law and Order cops before moving on to Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and popping in other shows from time to time like Sam Beckett Quantum Leaping between decades.

On another occasion, Carter was forced to sneak in the back door of the barrier: CBS refused his request to send Mulder and Scully on a crossover assignment in Rome, Wis. -- home of Picket Fences, David E. Kelley’s pre-Ally McBeal, pre-Boston Legal series about law enforcement and bizarre happenings in a small town setting. Not to be daunted, Carter and Kelley slipped one in on the network suits: While investigating a curious case of local cows impregnated with human embryos (Mulder woulda milked that one), Rome’s Sheriff Jimmy Brock makes reference to an equally curious case in nearby Delta Glen and the even curiouser FBI agent who investigated it. Sheriff Brock (Tom Skerritt) refers, of course, to the conspiratorially cultish case related in Red Museum.

And, of course, Carter penetrated the barrier between reality programming and drama in X-Cops and the veil between Mulder and Scully’s three-dimensional universe and the animated world in an otherworldly episode of The Simpsons (anyone who doesn’t wet themselves silly during Homer’s drunken come-on to Cartoon Scully needs the defibrillator paddles).

Now, imagine a post-Je Souhaite world without network borders, where Scully can cross Jordan or swap forensic observations with Gil Grissom and his CSI crew and where Mulder can trade clues with Lt. Columbo (yes, he’s still on the payroll, too) or drop into the E.R. for a quick CAT scan of his fevered brain. You have crossed over into The Crossover Zone, where tonight:

• Psychic Arizona housewife Allison Dubois (Medium) helps our agents investigate a serial killer who may be linked to Mulder and Scully’s past. The Mindhunter by Vickie Moseley
• Dr. Scully consults with the brilliantly Sherlockian, acidly antisocial Dr. Gregory House (House) on case involving Hurricane Katrina, a gray-skinned lady with a strange and dangerous illness, and, possibly, a Cajun werewolf. God and Bad Planning by Martin Ross
• Trailer court Samaritan Earl Hickey (My Name is Earl) tries to do a favor for a snack-lovin’ alien despite a swarm of UFO buffs, a greedy ex-wife out for tabloid fame, and a persistent chatterbox named Fox Mulder. Lied to the Federal Government About UFO Abduction by Elf X
• The gang from Scrubs gets involved in a case rife with Muldertorture, Scullytorture, and the tortured fantasies Agent Scully inspires in young Dr. J.D. My Dream of Scully with the Bright Red Hair by Vickie Moseley.

So pop open a bag of Doritos, sit back, turn off the tube, and enjoy this week’s prime-time lineup on The VS.

--Martin Ross

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